Knot

We've all heard the expression, "tying the knot." But if you take a moment to look at what that expression means in a literal sense, it really does explain the different types of marriages that exist in the world today. First of all there are more types of knots than I ever imagined. Wikipedia reveals a list of knot types that is absolutely mind boggling. Here are just a few that are reminiscent of the marital ties that bind.

Taut-line Hitch: This strong but flexible knot represents the ideal marriage, strong yet adjustable for whatever life throws at you. It's used mostly for outdoor activities like camping or tree climbing. You know, whenever your shelter could blow away or you could kill yourself falling from a tree. This is the type of knot we aim for in marriage.

Fisherman's Knot: This specialized knot is low maintenance and really doesn't require a lot of skill to tie. It can be tied in rough conditions and generally works very well. The fisherman's knot is a reminder that no matter how rough the seas get, you can generally Gerry-rig something that will make the marriage continue to work.

Grief Knot: This knot is the perfect knot to tie if you intend to have a marriage for money, a trophy wife/husband or something equally as empty. This knot is used for magic tricks and, although it looks like a strong knot, it can easily be undone with a simple twisting motion. Because this knot can be undone so easily, even when it looks like a strong knot it isn't and must not be used for any serious purpose. Trying to do so can and will cause a lot of grief (and alimony payments).

The Noose: We all know what the noose is. A popular knot for auto-erotic asphyxiation and suicide, the noose is the universal symbol for "a means to an end." Shotgun weddings (IE: the knock up) and some cases of early and mid-life marriage desperation fall into this knot category. The loop is collapsible, meaning that it will eventually strangle the life out of one or both of you.

Who knew a simple phrase could say so much?