Reveal

The Anatomy of a Job Description - Warning Signs

Job descriptions reveal so much about the company, before you even apply. Warning signs pop up in the context. If you are careful, you can save yourself a lot of grief and hardship by reading very carefully about who they want, or better, who they don't want. Let's dissect one.

Boutique Marketing & Promotions Agency in Santa Monica is looking for a Partnership Marketing/Promotions Manager for our Television department. This position is not an ordinary job where you come in a do nothing all day... It can be stressful which is why the candidate MUST have experience and be thick skinned.

Stop here. Already, in the first paragraph, they have told us that they are small (boutique) and overbearing, demanding and/or very unhappy with the person who was in this position last (not an ordinary job where you come in and do nothing all day). But that last line also says more, it says they are sarcastic. When exactly did an ordinary job become one where you got to come in and do nothing all day? Did I miss a memo? Am I doing way too much work? This spark of attitude toward "ordinary" jobs comes off as condescending, mean spirited and outright misinformed. It can be stressful which is why the candidate MUST have experience and be think skinned. Translation: Make no bones about it, we can and WILL abuse you. Your clients can and will abuse you. And you will be expected to sit and take it or else be deemed thin skinned and unworthy. Experience being abused, and taking it like a pro, is mandatory.

As if we needed more proof that this company is a dud, lets move on.

We are searching for candidates who have the following qualities/skills:

Job Description
-Candidate must have an extensive background working in television marketing and/or sales.
-Must have or be able to develop relationships with Creative Service Reps and Marketing Directors at broadcast stations and cable systems within the top 50 Nielsen rated markets.

-Responsibilities: include developing tailored promotions that will air nationally on broadcast stations and cable systems.
-Candidate must be computer literate and have knowledge and experience in Word, PowerPoint and Excel.
-Must be detailed oriented and work well in a fast paced environment under tight deadlines.
-Must have basic understanding of third party tie-ins. Candidate should have some production experience to help produce on-air promotional announcements.
-Must have excellent interpersonal skills and the ability to handle miscellaneous projects as assigned.

Ok... not too cooky. They are reeling your confidence back in from the slap that was the first paragraph. Like the abuser who takes their victim out for dinner and follows with an evening of romance, this part says... don't worry honey, this is a real job. Look how normal it is. We're using all the buzz words. Shhhhh.... stop crying. This is normal.

Then comes the second slap, even harder this time.

-Time must be flexible: Come in early and leave late in order to get the job done!
- Able to take direction and effectively execute tasks
- Must be a creative thinker
- A candidate that can hit the ground running is a BIG plus.

This is not for someone who has bare minimum experience

Please DO NOT APPLY if you DO NOT have the above experience!!!!!

Translation: We own you. Don't think that when you work for us that anyone else in your life matters more than us. We tell you when your job is done. We will micromanage, order you around and tell you what is effective what is not. We will demand that you are creative and then berate you when that creativity isn't our way of thinking. Oh yes, and if you can start being abused immediately, that's what we prefer.

If you haven't been treated like crap before in a working environment and aren't positively addicted to low self-worth, hyper-criticism and pain, please don't apply.

We're not just looking for any bitch, we're looking for the RIGHT bitch.

Penny

The penny is becoming essentially worthless in today's society. Think about it. How many times have you been cleaning and found a penny and, instead of setting it aside, threw it into the garbage along with your other trash? How many pennies do you have, right now, in your car, in the bottom of your purse or in your couch?

The U.S. Mint estimates that there are currently about 140 billion pennies in circulation. It's said that 27% of pennies end up in the trash, vacuumed up, swept up or generally dropped. That's 37,800,000,000 pennies or 378,000,000 dollars every year that people just "lose" or discard.

It's something to think about the next time you scoop a penny into your dust pan.

Oak

The sight and smell of oak is just one of the many signs that I'm back home in San Antonio, that and the sore throat. It's funny how alergens act as reminders to my childhood now. I don't remember being sick alot, but maybe it was just normal.

A lot was normal growing up in South Texas, mosquito bites, sweating without moving and rain storms that hurt. This unique childhood instilled a certain strength in me, making me the kind of person who cherishes scars like trophies, isn't afraid to get a little dirty (ok, a lot dirty when it comes to camping) and loves rainstorms.

Good or bad it was home and the reason why this week the entries will be pretty light... not that I have readers banging down my door for content.

Logical

You have to love Spock. The epitome of logic, Spock was always fighting the emotions that he equated with "being human." There's some of Spock in each of us, I think. Where one would declare their emotions to the world, another will stay firmly rooted in the Vulcan philosophy of repression. The human race is far from logical. Most of us think with our hearts and other pieces of anatomy, much to our detriment. Do any of these notable quotes from Mr. Spock ring true with your life?

"It is curious how often you humans manage to obtain that which you do not want."
--Spock in 'Errand of Mercy'

"I have never understood the female capacity to avoid a direct answer to any question."
--Spock in 'This Side of Paradise'

"I am what I am, Leila, and if there are self-made purgatories, then we all have to live in them. Mine can be no worse than someone else's."
--Spock in 'This Side of Paradise'

"The creature within me is gone. I am free of it, and the pain. I am also quite blind. An equitable trade, Doctor. Thank you."
--Spock in 'The Immunity Syndrome'

"After a time, you may find that having is not so pleasing a thing, after all, as wanting. It is not logical, but it is often true."
--Spock in 'Amok Time'

You can see more of these quotes in this article I found at Associated Content.

I am particularly focused on the first quote. "It is curious how often you humans manage to obtain that which you do not want." We tell ourselves that we want the American dream, a big house, several cars, a spouse, kids and a partridge in a pear tree. In a word, we want our definition (and everyone's defininition is different) of success.

For a very long time, my password for everything was "success" because I felt that if I wanted it bad enough and typed the word enough times, it would happen for me. Yet when I received the material trappings of success, I wasn't happy. Now, I have none of the trappings and I'm still not happy. I'm happiest when I'm wanting.

Is that human nature? Maybe. Fuel for ambition? Possibly. Wanting keeps us going and gives us a purpose. When the end result is acheived what is there? Surprise... more wanting. You just might want it better or seek to climb to the next level. When does wanting turn into satifaction? I'm still trying to figure out the answer to that question.

Live long and prosper.

Blossom

There weren't many TV stars that were the same age as me, growing up in the 80s and 90s. The 90210 kids were close. But Blossom hit the nail on the head. She was quirky, like me. Fun, like I thought I was. But now she has a graduate degree and I don't. Where did I go wrong?

It's not that I went wrong, it's the Blossom was a character and Mayim Bialik is an actress. But when you're young, you really don't see a difference. All you look forward to is the graduation episode that happens just a few weeks before yours, the excitement of what college she gets into and what she's going to do next to prove she's smarter than the average teenager. Did I know Blossom wasn't a real girl? Yes. Did I still identify with her like she was one? Yes. Was she still a good role model? Absolutely.

Apply this to the "role models" of today. Who do we have?

Paris Hilton - Celebutante whose behavior was so egregious to her family that her grandfather disowned her and obliterated her trust fund. Now pushing fashion, makeup and hair extensions.

Kim Kardashian - One of several misbehaving party-girl daughters of celebrity lawyer Robert Kardashian (died at age 59, famous for being the lawyer for OJ Simpson). In terms of behavior, his daughters get away with murder on television.

Heidi Montag - Star of The Hills, Heidi Montag, uses her body to get what she wants. She's recently married to her co-star Spencer. They are the constant hot topic on TMZ, where Heidi and Spencer's collective lack of brain cells are displayed on a daily basis. I fear what will materialize if they reproduce.

Miley Cyrus - Poor Miley, just trying to grow up too fast. From boyfriends who are WAY too old to Esquire magazine articles that show a little too much too soon, Miley may be on the fast track to Lohan-ville if she doesn't put the breaks on. One has to wonder, though. Is it Miley or the adults surrounding her (yeah, I'm looking at you Billy Ray) who are trying to keep her marketable, yet are losing her childhood in the process?

Vanessa Hudgens - Nude photos, sex innuendo and she's HOW OLD? This High School Musical star really wants to break out of the Disney bubble bad (similar to Miley). But in the process she's really taking some wrong turns. Like Miley, she's a victim of too much too soon. Unlike Miley, these escapades seem to be all her own doing. Unless publicists set these things up, in which case, there is no telling what is staged and what is real.

In a nutshell, watch the South Park episode "Stupid Spoiled Whore Video Playset" and you'll see exactly what role models like this are doing for our girls.

They aren't all like this. Emma Watson who plays Hermoine Granger in the Harry Potter movies is going to Brown this semester. There are more, but they are few and far between. People like to talk about child stars in terms of Dana Plato and Danny Bonaduce, strung out, having trouble with the fame and either coming to an early end or flirting with it.

And what of Mayim? According to Wikipedia she had her pick of universities after Blossom. Faced with the decision of whether to go to Harvard, Yale or UCLA, she chose UCLA to stay close to her family. She received her degree in 2000, a bachelor's in neuroscience, Hebrew and Jewish studies and went on to complete their Ph.D program in neuroscience in 2008. She married in 2003 and had two sons. Miles was born in 2005 and Frederick was born in 2008.

Now THAT is a role model.

Knot

We've all heard the expression, "tying the knot." But if you take a moment to look at what that expression means in a literal sense, it really does explain the different types of marriages that exist in the world today. First of all there are more types of knots than I ever imagined. Wikipedia reveals a list of knot types that is absolutely mind boggling. Here are just a few that are reminiscent of the marital ties that bind.

Taut-line Hitch: This strong but flexible knot represents the ideal marriage, strong yet adjustable for whatever life throws at you. It's used mostly for outdoor activities like camping or tree climbing. You know, whenever your shelter could blow away or you could kill yourself falling from a tree. This is the type of knot we aim for in marriage.

Fisherman's Knot: This specialized knot is low maintenance and really doesn't require a lot of skill to tie. It can be tied in rough conditions and generally works very well. The fisherman's knot is a reminder that no matter how rough the seas get, you can generally Gerry-rig something that will make the marriage continue to work.

Grief Knot: This knot is the perfect knot to tie if you intend to have a marriage for money, a trophy wife/husband or something equally as empty. This knot is used for magic tricks and, although it looks like a strong knot, it can easily be undone with a simple twisting motion. Because this knot can be undone so easily, even when it looks like a strong knot it isn't and must not be used for any serious purpose. Trying to do so can and will cause a lot of grief (and alimony payments).

The Noose: We all know what the noose is. A popular knot for auto-erotic asphyxiation and suicide, the noose is the universal symbol for "a means to an end." Shotgun weddings (IE: the knock up) and some cases of early and mid-life marriage desperation fall into this knot category. The loop is collapsible, meaning that it will eventually strangle the life out of one or both of you.

Who knew a simple phrase could say so much?

Wanted

I've never felt so wanted in my life, so desired, so sought after. The calls just kept rolling in. Yes, I am available. Yes, I do have time to talk to you right now. Yet, call after call, nothing materializes. Recruiters don't call me back. Friends make promises they don't keep. That was my first week of unemployment, back in July.

I realized, rather quickly and harshly in fact, that everyone wants a piece of you when you are employed. But when you are unemployed, the people you meet want to either audition you or position you for how they can use you next. If they feel they can't position you, they file you away in the "to be used later" pile or if they audition you and you fail, they decide to discard you all together.

It's so cynical, I know, to tie being so ferociously wanted now (when I'm not tied to a company) with whatever future barter or favor situation might exist. Yet, isn't that the whole purpose of networking? You meet someone and if the person you've just met can't do anything for you now, you tidily rolodex them into your "later" file. It's like the movie "The Godfather." (Sorely butchered and paraphrased) "I'm going to do you this favor but one of these days, and this day may never come, you will need to do a favor for me."

Baby, that's business.

I can't say that I haven't been guilty of this neat categorization before. I certainly have sized people up when meeting in a business situation and have put them into their respective baskets. Basket One: Can Help Me Now, Basket Two: Can Help Me Later, Basket Three: Can't Help Me at All, But a Fun Person to Keep Around, Basket Four: Discard. It looks so harsh, seeing it all written out like this. But I wonder how many people in the business world categorize their contacts like this. I bet its more than most would expect.

In many ways, being wanted in the world of job hunting is more like trying to get tight with the Corleone's. The boss looks at you, gives you a once over to make sure you are healthy and don't have any major mental problems, asks if you can follow directions, tests your skills and takes you into their office to see if you are the right fit for "the family." And then, if you are truly wanted, they make you an offer you can't refuse.

At the end of the day, in business as in mob life, you treat your enemies like friends, your friends like family and you are always looking to please the boss. How's that for irony?

Anxiety

This first entry is for birthmothers everywhere. May you find peace with your decision and live a happy and full life.

My chest is heavy. My heart goes a million miles an hour. I don't know why just being around someone new does this to me. Yet that's the situation I find myself in... total anxiety. I reach out my hand and introduce myself to the reflection in the mirror. A lot can change in ten years. People gain weight, lose weight, gain hair, lose hair. But as I look at myself in the mirror, I barely recognize myself.

I’m bigger, sure. But there’s a softness about the bigness of it. There’s no sucking this belly in. It’s there. No matter how much I pretend that others can’t see it, its there and they do see it. I just don’t want to admit that to myself. When they do see it, I try to pretend to be happy. Oh yes, I’m excited about the baby coming. Oh no, we haven’t thought of a name yet. When I was 17, I thought that this would be a happy feeling, to be full with child, anticipation and new life. No. This belly is mocking me. It mocks my choices in life and tells me that I’m not where I need to be to deserve this gift. This is someone else’s gift, someone else’s life, someone else’s happy moment.

I’m inside my own head a lot these days. I wonder if I’m guiding my own life or if I’m letting circumstances guide me. I’m pretty sure I’m just a scared little girl standing by as life happens around me. I try to convince myself that I’m not maternal, that someone else would and could do a better job than me. I tell myself that what I’m doing is avoiding the lifetime effects of unpreparedness to have a child. I constantly lie to myself because it makes me feel better. Yes, I’m happy with this decision. No, I have no connection to this child. When I lie on my back and play with her feet through my belly, it tells another story.

Looking in the mirror I realize that the moment this child leaves my body that I am giving a piece of myself away. I hope that I did enough due diligence in finding her parents that she won’t feel like a square peg shoved into a round hole, that whatever personality is instilled by nature won’t conflict with the environment she will grow up in. Of course, I know that the only things I will know about her will be an edited version of her life, to only share the good things. I wonder how much I will edit my life, not wanting her to ever know about the deep pain that I feel yet feeling that she should know that none of her leaving me was easy.

I extend my hand and accept that this person in the mirror is the new me. The old me died when she left me. Now, I will be known to myself as mother, but not deserving of the title. I’m confident, yet not confident enough in her ability to instill that confidence into a child. I will hear stories about childbirth, but never impart mine for fear of pity, judgment or worse, undeserved praise. Yes, this is someone completely new and I’ll have to live with her for the rest of my life.